Nights like this, I wish..

A personal reckoning with Saturn in Aries and the night that split me open.

Sometimes you just know a day is going to end badly. You have the feeling that things are off and you have to make a decision how you want to move through it.

My husband always says, your first move decides the day.

If I am honest, when I reflect I couldn't tell you anything about how that day started. I was young, maybe I had class that day. It must have been a Friday, perhaps a Saturday. What I remember is that I went out and I promised my brother I would come back and take him to the movies. Maybe it’s that promise that saved me, but I was turned inward that day, not unusual for me.

So I met my friends, everyone was drinking but not me. I wasn’t into it so I just leaned into the company that kept me. By the time my brother called, I must have been enjoying myself, because I was irritated that his call seemed to come so soon. I had to leave but I was going to try and make it back to my friends before it got too late. In hindsight I don’t think anyone cared and I should’ve said my goodbyes instead of trying to hit pause on the night.

I left speeding, my brother puts the type of pressure on people only Capricorn could muster, despite him being the youngest. Everything was cool though as I set out on my mission, and then I hit the highway. The city was flying by fast and I was making good time. So I kept dipping in and out of traffic, clearing the roadblocks, still speeding and trying to get there. If I’m honest, I left too late but I just kept telling myself it wasn’t a big deal, I was sparing my brother the opening credits.

Lost in my thoughts, racing towards my destination, traffic came to a sudden stop! I think I knew I was going too fast to stop and like the rookie driver I was, I closed my eyes for the imminent crash.

But this crash would be more complicated, I hit the car in front of me and spun out of control. The sensation of the spinning brought me back to the present and I saw ahead of me a flimsy guard rail on the opposite of the highway and the ravine below. It was over. This was it, that’s exactly what I told myself and I accepted it.

Just before I could fly over the rail, something pulled my attention to the right, almost if something said “look at me.” In that moment, I felt a presence, it consumed my small car and I knew I wasn’t alone. I must have closed my eyes again, and when I woke up, there was the bright beam of a flashlight and a cop tapping on my window.

I made it.

I was alive, but I definitely wouldn’t make it to scoop up my brother or back to my friends. My car was totaled or at least it seemed that way. I felt utterly alone with that thought. But solitude didn’t last long, because now I had to face the music, my parents. That night there was a whole lot of growing up that I had to do.

That night changed everything, what I didn’t know then that I know now was that I was knee deep in Saturn in Aries and that would become the longest 3 years of my life. A chapter in my history I would never want to revisit.

Sadly, Saturn in Aries is back.

Recently I shared the significance of this month’s Saturn in Aries transit with my Zodiac Book Club. Whenever I talk about astrology, especially heavier transits, I notice something. People are often so busy bracing for what could go wrong that they miss the opportunity to ask what this moment is asking of them. They’re scanning for bad news instead of preparing for transformation.

But what good is knowing the future if it doesn’t alter your thinking, shift your behavior, or influence the way you move through the world? What’s the point of insight if it doesn’t change anything?

That crash set in motion one of the most difficult periods of my life. When I realized Saturn was returning to Aries, I wanted to cry. More honestly, I wanted to disappear. It feels like being dragged back to a version of myself I barely survived.

You might not believe me, but almost as soon as I got my car back, I had another accident. The only two car accidents I’ve ever had both happened during Saturn in Aries. It felt like something was chasing me. That’s how committed the stars were to my transformation.

I named that time The Vault. It’s what I believe people are trying to access when they ask, “Tell me about your journey to becoming an intuitive guide.” But that part of me isn’t for sharing. A piece of me died during those years. It’s too sacred and too haunting to explain.

Saturn does not and will not take it easy on you. Not everyone will feel it the same, but for those with cardinal placements, the pressure is unmistakable.

So what does Saturn in Aries want from you?

It wants you to take accountability for how you initiate. How you assert yourself. Where you let fear of failure or rejection dictate your choices. It forces you to grow up. To learn to speak. To learn to set boundaries.

For me, it challenged every relationship I had at that time. It broke the child within me and left me a woman. And when it was all said and done, there was nothing to do but put on my big girl panties and be her.

People love to say nice things about Aries. The initiator. The spark. The warrior. But Aries is demanding. It will burn you and never look back.

Saturn is the structure. But more than that, Saturn is the father without wounds. Imagine being parented by a father with no emotional baggage. No guilt. No manipulation. Just truth, presence, and discipline. That is what Saturn feels like to me.

Together, Saturn in Aries calls for bold, responsible action. Not reckless fire. Fire with direction.

Maybe there’s no way to prepare. Maybe life just happens and we’re meant to stumble through it, scraping our knees on fate. But I don’t buy that. That sounds like something people say when they’re still waiting to be rescued. When they want someone else to do the heavy lifting, to stitch together the safety net, to promise that everything will be okay.

But Saturn doesn’t offer rescue. And Aries doesn’t care if you're ready.

If you're paying attention, you can feel it. The weight of the pattern. The heat behind your reactions. The stillness after the fire. That’s where the work begins—not in prevention, but in presence.

What do you feel when the pressure builds? When the demand to act arrives before the clarity does? Do you freeze? Do you fight? Do you pretend it isn’t happening?

That’s the real question: how do you meet yourself when Saturn knocks and Aries dares you to answer?

Are you ready to grow up?

Not in the performative, get-your-life-together kind of way. I mean the real thing. The kind that strips you, tests you, reshapes your spine.

What would make that kind of growth easier?

Maybe nothing. Or maybe just honesty.

Your soul already agreed to the lesson. The path is set. The question is how you’ll walk it. Saturn in Aries isn't interested in your comfort. It's preparing you for what waits on the other side of 2028.

You’ll either be ready—or you’ll wish you had been.

It’s Gemini season — aka my season — and you know we love to share the vibes, spark convos, and stir up a little soul-level curiosity. ✨

If this post lit something up in you, gave you an aha, or made you feel a little more seen in the world, feel free to like it, share it, or drop a note. Energy loves to move and I love when it flows both ways.

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Thanks for vibing with me.