Who’s the Mother Here

A reflection on maternal hierarchy, invisibility, and the daughters who are never fully allowed to become women.

I hate Mother’s Day.

I’ve never been free to be celebrated in the way that one would think you would after becoming a mother. Because in my family, motherhood has always felt like a hierarchy instead of a relationship.

Mother’s Day belongs to my mother. It is hers and hers alone.

Last May, she called in the middle of the chaos surrounding my son’s kindergarten graduation. I said something I cannot remember now and she responded sharply:

“Who’s the mother here?”

This is where the dynamic becomes clearer.

What follows is what I’ve come to understand about this kind of relationship, and why it doesn’t stay contained inside one family system.

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